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Crosses That Kill - Sunday After Holy Cross

Die before you die. There is no chance after.
- C.S. Lewis, Till We Have Faces

For most of my early adulthood, I moved a lot. I lived in Illinois, then in various places in California, then I moved to Minnesota, and then to Arizona. I did all of this without so much as a second thought. I was almost always thinking about the future or what my next move was or what it would be like to be somewhere else. And at the time, I could do that because I was single.

My wanderlust and obsession with what I was going to do with my life wasn’t necessarily a problem, but it was kind of selfish. But even this selfishness didn’t seem problematic because I didn’t have to answer to anybody. My life was just that: mine.

But then I got married. And suddenly, my life wasnt my own anymore.

Indeed, it never really had been.

Now, with a wife and two kids, every day I see that my family and I can’t just up and leave Arizona whenever I feel like it. Moving homes, jobs, states is more difficult than before because suddenly there are far more people to consider: not just my family but our friends, our children’s grandparents, our parish community. Simply wanting to move is not a good enough reason to do so.

This has been one of the most difficult realizations for me. Having to stay in one place has been remarkably (and unexpectedly) hard for me.

In my early adulthood, I didn’t stay put because I didn’t have to. I was always thinking about “what was next” because the future presented unlimited possibility, and that was exciting. But in retrospect, that excitement hid a deeper problem: excitement for where I was headed was making discontentment over where I was.

I didn’t have to experience discontentedness now as long as I kept my focus on what (I hoped) was to come.

I was oblivious for years. It was only when I stopped moving that I first realized that I dont have a love for adventure; rather, I have a distaste for the present.

When my life was in constant motion, when I lived in hopes for the future instead of the reality of the present, I never had to confront this sin (yes, sin) of mine. Yet now that I’m forced to sit still, finding satisfaction where I am is a bit more difficult.

But God desires to transform my heart.

And God has decided to do this through the cross of my marriage and family.

We usually think of “our crosses” as the things in our lives that “we just have put up with,” like a bad boss or a difficult sibling relationship: “Well, hes just my cross to bear.” We consider “bearing the cross” tantamount simply to putting up with hard things, things we’d rather not deal with.

Indeed, sometimes I’m tempted to do think this way myself:

Well, I guess we cant move to Chicago, where I really want to be. I guess this whole having to think of a family is just my cross to bear!

So while that is an option, I highly doubt that resigning myself to being a victim of my circumstances is what Christ had in mind in this passage, which we’ll read on Sunday:

If anyone wishes to come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it; and whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man, to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? (Mk. 8:34-36)

Christ shows us that crosses are more than burdens to be carried. They are things upon which we die. But not only that, they are things upon which we die willingly as we seek to become increasingly like Christ.

Sure, our crosses will be painful. They must be. Dying hurts. Crucifixion hurts. But the point of the cross is not the pain; it is the death. And for Christians, taking up the cross is a matter of willingly embracing the burdens we face for the sake of becoming like Christ.

For the sake of the Resurrection.

For me, the cross of my marriage and family forces me to stay put, and its up to me whether I will crucify my Discontented Self in order to meet Christ here and now, in my marriage and family, as my cross finds its meaning in Christs Cross.

These painful crosses demand our reflection if we are to understand why they have been given to us. By asking tough questions, we may find what God is doing in our hearts through the struggle: “Why is this cross so particularly painful? What in me is being crucified?

For me, part of leaning into my salvation and gaining my soul means forfeiting my desire to move any given time. The Lord is inviting me to release my impulse to seek fulfillment through new experiences and is instead trying to teach me how to be content in Him, wherever I may be. He is inviting me to say along with St. Paul, “I have learned to be content with whatever I have…I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” (Phil. 4:11,13).

My burden feels heavy because my propensity toward discontentment is being slaughtered, and its painful. So when we find ourselves thinking, “This is just my cross to bear,” chances are we exactly in the place where God is inviting us to crucify the old man in us and put on the new man (Ephesians 4:20-24).

As we put on Christ. 

Our hearts are full of jealousies and addictions and deceit. We are called to die before we die, to put our attachments and our entitlement to death that we might cling to Christ and find new life.

But it’s going to hurt before that..

Our crosses are burdens, yes, but they aren’t just burdens. Crosses aren’t for carrying: they’re for crucifying; putting our disordered loves to death as we find new life in Love Himself.

Our crosses give us life if we will let them, and the only way they can do so is if we willingly take them up and die upon them.

If we wish to truly live, we must die before we die.

Photo Credit:

Luggage pinprick via Compfight cc

Cross: freefotouk via Compfight cc 

Christian is a Young Adult Ministries Coordinator for Y2AM. He is a husband, father, mover, shaker, coffee drinker, sandal wearer, and CrossFitter. Christian has his MA from Azusa Pacific University in Marriage and Family Therapy and is working toward a second MA in Children, Youth, and Family Ministry from Luther Seminary. Christian and his family live in Phoenix, Arizona.

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For more:

For more on the Cross, check out this episode of Be the Bee:

For more on the releasing attachments, check out this episode of Be the Bee:

For more on getting involved, check out this episode of Be the Bee: